Babble.Like.Me

the little things

2012-01-30T07:50:00.000-08:00

I have been posted in neonatal ICU for the past few days. Most of the babies are so small that when i saw a 3.15kg normal baby today, i thought it was humongous.

I am amazed by how God creates these little things, so fine that you see each and every finger and toe, so delicate and moving with life.

Some babies made it through, reached the target weight and get transferred out, some didn't make it even with many interventions.

I believe that the Lord gives, and He takes away sometimes. And when he does take it away, He knows that you're better off without it.

Ownership

2012-01-24T07:46:00.000-08:00

In the past 5 yrs, i've been moving around places. Thought i've found a cozy nest in adelaide, and i had to leave. And then sunway to jb. From one apartment to another.

One thing I learnt, is that if its not your own home, and you know you'll leave it someday, you don't give your best. When you sweep/mop the floor, you tend to forget some corners.

A house that costs you time and gold, you take ownership. You appreciate.

Christmas is here

2012-01-22T16:34:00.000-08:00

According to my mum, I'm 25 in the Lunar year. A quarter of a century, I can't believe I've lived those years.

Thanks for the phone calls, texts, mails, presents, angpaus, love, cake, kisses and hugs. I feel loved and blessed. Here's to last year of med school, the journey to recovery, and a year of freedom and adventures. Cheers! I love all of you, and may God shower us with abundant blessings and grace that we can't contain.

milk & wine

2012-01-10T05:11:00.000-08:00

The other day over a friend's 28'th birthday, we were discussing how time passed by unforgivingly. Sadly, the matter of age is different among the 2 sexes.

Jin: Girls' age is like Christmas. After 25, you're OVER.
Angela: Girls age like milk, guys age like wine.
Humphrey: I don't mind yoghurt.
Everyone: Ewww.

And then another year is gone. I used to write about christmas, new year, and then birthday wishes, every year without failed. Since when i've lost that habit and become less hopeful. Less hopeful, or more realistic.

2011 started sweet and dreamy for me. And then the exam stress and relationship issue crept up and peaked with the fear of not passing year 4.
God is good, and you say?----ALL THE TIME

1. I passed year 4. Pretty well, and thank God.
2. The holiday that i decided to give up to do an elective here, turned out more than just good.
3. As for relationship, i learnt a good lesson about respecting one another. I don't know what this long distance thingy has for me in the future. If it turned out well, let me tell you its the grace of God.

So yea, am heading home finally.

I pray that the new year comes with peace and love, at least within ourselves.

2011-12-26T16:46:00.000-08:00

Do you ever ask questions and expect a certain type of answers? That's what I often do to my boyfriend. And sadly he is a very different person than I am, so when he does answer it from his heart, I get upset and upset him at the same time,

People enter into relationship with expectation. Mine is lots of assurance, comfort and security. Which means even if I've scratched his precious car accidentally, I don't mind the lecturing, but I want him to still hold my hand even if he's pissed of me. It feels like forgiveness, a comforting grip after a mistake.

I'm a troubled kid with very distorted cogniton and behavior sometimes. I sulk until the cows come home when I don't get what I want. It's just like when I was 7 yrs old, I so wanted a Mickey mouse watch and I just couldn't convince my parents to give me. So being desperate, I 'borrowed' my friend's watch home. Her parents came all the way to my house to take it back. The rest of the story was lots of tears and bruises from caning.

The moral of the story is I've tried too hard, and I've turned bitter over time.
Materials, relationship and life, I've tried too hard wanting something that may not be mine.

Matthew 6:33: But seek first His kingdom and righteousness. And all these will be added to you.

christmas

2011-12-18T23:04:00.000-08:00

i'm naturally abit dark and twisty. Bear with me.

Today i walked into the ward lighted up with pretty red and green lights. Lil boxes of presents under the decorated christmas trees and occasional frank sinatra's deep sexy voice singing christmas songs floating in the air.

Back in the treatment room getting some syringe and ABG tube, me and the intern were chatting away happily. I thought it was just the two of us, until he turned around and said 'hey, jack mack's here!'.

Jack is covered up cozily in a white cloth.

15/12/2011

2011-12-14T21:26:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you a story of a woman. She is a successful doctor, a consultant, a mother of 2 beautiful babies, with money flows in and she has no worries about finance at all.

I'm amazed by how she listens, encourages, assures and comforts her patients. She remembers each patient's name, when their partners passed away, when their newly born grandchildren reached 1st birthday, where to stop telling them about their cancer prognosis. She appreciates life.

She did things so efficiently sometimes i wonder how she could juggle the loads.

Today she cried after the last patient left. She told me that her husband has been abusing her and threatening to take away her children. Reason being she is the breadwinner of the family and he is unemployed and inferiority burns wild within him.

I didn't quite know how to react. This is what she told me:
1. Find a man who is willing to share life with you, who loves you.
2. You don't stop living just because you feel lauzy.
3. I think God still watches over all.

She feels bad that i haven't learnt much medically from her, but i learnt what's more than that.

2011-12-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

There goes Year 4, one that you tell yourself not to do it again. But they say life is just gonna get harder than that when you start working. Oh well.

I've been around places. From JB to KL, KL to Phuket, Phuket to melbourne, melbourne to geelong. So many places, yet not home. One thing i learnt today, is that no place is home until you feel secure in the Father's hands.

I was reading a newsletter from Harvard with the title 'holiday season depression'. I guess its scary how you go on an autopilot mode one whole year and then time comes to look back and make a new resolution, you feel ever so bleak from within.

Gimme another yr4, i will still spend my time reading through books and trying to understand women's health, but this time, i'll do it more gracefully, with less tears and more awareness.

Happy holiday people. Rather than checking the boxes on the list, find what your heart needs the most.

Love,
cath

2011-11-21T16:29:00.000-08:00

We've all gone through some pain and torture of the end of the year exam.

So yes, may peace and love be with us all as we go off our ways for holidays.

she runs

2011-11-11T04:39:00.001-08:00

1. Since its 11/11/11 and everyone is making such a big hoohah in fb, i shall post a post, before my inspiration runs dry.

2. I had a weird dream about my aunt. I dreamt that her family refused to pay for her treatment and she was going to die. But she already died 5 years ago.

3. I got a call from my mum saying that another aunt who was recently diagnosed with lung cancer will be put on oral chemotherapy.

my mum: if she only needed oral pills, means its not that bad right?
me: hmm.

Facts can be found all over the place but we all need hopes and futures to look forward to.

4. When its not exam time, i quite enjoy the fact that i'm studying to become a doctor. The thing is, to become a doctor, and then a bigger doctor, there are endless exams to take.

5. I remembered how my lips turned pale and i was going to vomit the first time i ran the court at sunway college. Since then i haven't stopped running. Today i heard some creps in my knees, i wonder i should start exploring other sports.

6. A tinge of sadness, a tinge of disappointment. Emotions don't stay long enough to see tomorrow's sunshine. But stop it before you hurt yourself too bad.

7. Is it the result or the process that matters?

umbrella

2011-11-07T01:15:00.000-08:00

To all out there who are sitting for exams, munching on snacks, growing beard/mustache, can't sleep, panicking, crying. Hang in there, and this is for you.

John 14:27- Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

2011-11-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

food is good

2011-11-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

I always think that i'm a very easily satisfied and 'affordable' girlfriend. As long as you feed me, i'm happy.

You can start with ice-cream. :) Thanks to Baskin Robbin's 31% off every other month, we happily brought back pints of colorful ice-cream. Serve it after every meal.

And just when i thought it is enough of calories for the day, my housemate came back with a BR ice-cream cake from his birthday party. And so we took our spoons and happily dug in. Wooyeahh..

cravings

2011-10-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

Pregnant ladies often have sudden cravings for food. Not that i'm pregnant, but in this time of pre-exam prep, there are many thoughts of food and the fridge door in our apartment is about to fall off due to our frequent visits.

1. Freddo
2. BigMac
3. Breakfast thick toast, avocado, thick and creamy yogurt.
4. Arnotts vanilla slice
5. Sibu's kampua + laksa

Ah.

2011-10-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, we need people to help us to put thoughts into words, or maybe make a song out of it.

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here

Between who you are
And who you could be
Between how it is
And how it should be

brown cow

2011-10-19T01:35:00.000-07:00

1. Did a mock osce, lost a third of heart, let out a big sigh, and its still not the end yet.

2. Hair shedding, spurious diarrhea, cereal, more cereal= here comes the exam.

3. Aloha A704 is currently attacked by ants, has broken toilet flush system, and books all over the table.

4. It just wasn't an easy year overall. and there comes the hardest part.

how now.

2011-10-12T19:45:00.001-07:00

1. The longest distance is the head to the heart.

2. The least good you could do for a friend is to watch out for them.

3. Why are you downcast, oh my soul.

4. What is pica for hungry hearts?

not yet there

2011-10-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

1. Things don't stick if you don't practice them. This is what i learnt from O&G clinic for the past weeks. I think i've heard the consultants explaining about subfertility for 10 times, but if I don't get to tell the patients myself, it remains just a piece of random info floating in my brain.

2. Recently seen many ex-school friends graduated, worked, married, pregnant, delivered. There's a term called 'constitutional delay' in medicine. Although the ultimate achievement is the same, hope the ticking clock doesn't add one new wrinkle on our faces.

3. When i was 4, i cracked my brain every night before sleep thinking for excuses to skip kindergarten the next days. Now, before i sleep, i have my tell myself not to run away from obstacles when the sun shines.

4. When something that you've been waiting and highly expecting on came out different, do you gladly take it, or Do you abort the thoughts and wait for the next one? The recently launched iPhone4S gave me such headache, and Steve Job had to die kept me wondering if iPhone 5 would be any better.

Truth is that, everything new sounds and looks better. But what suits you is the best.

2011-09-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

We are taught to love the unlovable. My mum just recently told me that i am a judgemental person, and i 'choose' people when it comes to befriending and loving them. It is true, and i feel convicted, but changes and improvement are yet to be seen.

I am a sandpaper myself. If you were to ask my boyfriend, he will tell you i'm the most difficult person that he has to deal with. It is quite unfortunate for him to have to take my short-fused comments and temper most of the time.

So yes, who am i to choose to love, when i'm unlovable yet so loved.

2011-09-16T17:34:00.001-07:00

The other day when i was talking to a friend, i realized how important it was to praise someone. Its a form of love and encouragement, a comfort after a lauzy day.

The closer we are, the stingier we become to say something good about each other. I forgot the last time i heard my dad saying that my mum cooks awesome food. I forgot the last time i told my mum how pretty she is being herself. I spent so much time talking nonsense outside and when she calls i get bored. And i just assume that i've got her and she's got me.

The tongue of the wise brings healing.

lately

2011-09-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

1. Nasi Lemak 2.0 reminded me that home is Malaysia. When you are on the other side, remember the way home.

2. When i was young, i had a big crush on my cousin. And now he's looking great and getting married, and i still have a crush on him.

3. Over the past 2 months, i learnt that life is more than this little frame that i've set myself to be. We're still young.

4. 8 weeks to go.

苏慧伦

2011-09-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you've stayed around long enough to know Tarcy Su. But since young, many of my cousins have repeatedly told me the same thing- i look like her.

And then time past and i grew up, at least one new person every year would say the same thing. This month while doing my O&G posting, another 2 persons came up and made the same comment.

This is to tell you that she really has been around for some time. Thus the hairstyle and the outfit.

And she's still pretty.

And woo, short hair.

According to Wikipedia:
清新的形象被封為玉女掌門人、學生情人。

Thus, i take it as a compliment.

2011-09-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

Hi, the last time i posted a self-camwhored picture, a friend of mine saved it and blackmailed me.

However, this time it is necessary, because i've gotten 10,000 people telling me i didn't need braces.

Before:

After:

Com'on. Tell me it IS DIFFERENT.

happy independence day

2011-08-31T06:55:00.000-07:00

1. Pre-andropause. Paid a SGD 171 to watch Jacky Cheung 1/2 century concert and had no regrets at all. Do you know he could still do splits? :) alright, that's not the point. Admit it, his songs have brought you through childhood, teenage, and they still keep you mesmerized in your adulthood.

2. Mobility. I could do many things if i have a car. Early last year, i got my license, and yet it hasn't given me the 'independence' of doing my own groceries, or just a ride on a bad day. Skills and tools, you gotta have both.

3. Technology. I don't know since when the Monopoly board has changed into a round one, something that looks like the calender to date for gestational age. And nowadays, you save the hassles of distributing 1.5 million of fake cash, use CARDS now, okay. 3 kids who added up to < 22-yr-old had to teach me how.

4. Sibu. If not for the people who stay here...

5. Wedding. Watched the glowing bride walked down the aisle with the assurance that someone waits on the other end. It takes a sure man, or else do not head down this path. It takes a lifetime of commitment, or else the hair grays prematurely.

6. Gentleness. Is not being weak, but strength with control. This, i watch my mother does it everyday.

7. Self-worth. After many failures in relationships, I have a distorted sense of self. And if i needed to learn a lesson today, it is that i am His, and no one else is to define me. Still learning.

retainer

2011-08-28T07:39:00.000-07:00

When i finally removed my braces 7 days ago, i thought it was all good and i was late to collect my retainer. When the dentist tried to fit them in, it was tight. 5 days and the orientation has already changed!

That's life, when problems are corrected, there are still things to be done to keep them right. Don't wait till the retainers don't fit no more.

9 months+ 7 days

2011-08-24T02:37:00.000-07:00

According to Naegele's rule, that's the number of days you add to the first day of your last menstrual cycle and you get the baby's expected due date.

Today i saw a mother pushing hard, real hard. And the baby came out without a cry, a heartbeat and a gasp. He was fully formed and beautiful. She couldn't stop crying.

You can keep carrying a person inside you, but you don't know when is it going to just stop kicking and the heart stop beating for you anymore.

2011-08-16T08:14:00.001-07:00

Tonight when i was talking to my mum, she reminded me about the sovereignty of God. We often pray for protection and peace, and when things happen, we doubt His provision. What happened to beholding His beauty and joy that is rooted in His grace?

The Lord gives, and He takes away.

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Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

John Murtagh

2011-08-11T00:49:00.000-07:00

I am impressed by John Murtagh. He is the author for Murtagh's general practice.

He is one down to earth and practical doctor.

For example:

(5th ed Murtagh's GP Pg.1000)

Retained vaginal tampon
Methods of removal:

Using good vision the tampon is seized with a pair of sponge-holding forceps and quickly immersed under water without releasing the forceps. A bowl of water (an old plastic ice-cream container is suitable) is left as close to the introitus as possible, This results in minimal malodour. The tampon and water are immediately flushed down the toilet if the toilet system can accommodate tampons. An alternative method is to grasp the tampon with a gloved hand and quickly peel the glove over the tampon for disposal.

Don't you think he's amazing?!

2011-08-09T08:40:00.001-07:00

1. There was a block somewhere in the head and i couldn't produce one blog entry for sometime. Its a mixture of events and happenings and unnecessary feelings that got girls all trapped up.

2. I recently found myself developing an unconscious dependence on others. A little turbulence ruffles my feathers. It was all good some time ago. Its a position of vulnerability, but i thought vulnerability opens up hearts. No wonder the bible says 'Guard your heart'.

3. They say kids fail to thrive, regress in development in learning, speech and social skills if they lack constant environmental stimulation and love from surroundings at the years of growing. I wonder if catch-up growth will come in time.

4. There are things that you just can't help even if you pour out all your intestines and liver juices.

5. I was never a daddy's girl in real life, but i always dream i was. This is what i want, a father figure who loves me just because I was his.

I might have been so disappointed because i was looking for it in all the wrong places.

6. I am tired.

men and God

2011-07-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a few of us went to the Science Centre and watched 'the hubble'. It was a breathtaking visual and sound experience watching it in a dome-shaped theatre where the stars and galaxies swooped by and you lied there feeling like you're looking right into the night sky.

You can explain the universe using the biophysicchemistry theory. There along the corridor leading towards the theatre are posters dating and explaining how organisms evolved from a tiny lil speck of atom (?)

But the creator behind all these theories is beyond understanding. Take a tiny glimpse of His creation and my heart burst out in amazement. Yet He says 'I have not forgotten you. Behold- for I have inscribed you on the palms of my hand.'

2011-07-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

The disadvantaged.

Gets a small amount of something, and even that, not of a good quality.
Stand up, walk out.

2011-07-25T17:43:00.000-07:00

The Sinner's Prayer (taken from Wikipedia)

Heavenly Father, I know that I have sinned against you and that my sins separate me from you. I am truly sorry. I now want to turn away from my sinful past and turn to you for forgiveness. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your Son, Jesus Christ, died for my sins, that He was raised from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become my Savior and the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You and to convict me when I sin. I pledge to grow in grace and knowledge of you. My greatest purpose in life is to follow your example and do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

— GOD blesses you.

How long has it been that my life hasn't been a good testimony.
How many times these words were uttered in vain.
The heart and the head seemed to go in 2 different ways.
When will the heart weigh the impact of each line above?

2 Corinthians 5:17

NB

2011-07-22T17:44:00.001-07:00

1. I've had some classes in the neonatal wards. Half of the time, i learnt what a doctor do to manage healthy & sick newborn. Another half, i learnt that a doctor needs to have some manner/ethics/conscience approaching distressed mothers because of their sick babies. This is quoted--> Always to comfort first.

2. Some people age gracefully and others seek for their wise advice. Some age with insecurity having the need to prove their previous successes. Others bite hard to tolerate their nasty advice just because they're old and there's a term called '敬老尊贤'.

3. Superman went on a 7-day-night shift and turned delirious. Woke up on a friday thinking its thursday. Oh well, there're still damsels in distress even when the night falls and you just gotta attend to them.

4. Praises and encouragement do make better people.

5. Found out that i 'visit' my fridge 3 times more frequent than my mirror.

6. I thought Egypt was good enough, although its a pure torture most of the time. Until a Moses came and led me out of the land and crossed the sea. While heading towards the land of milk and honey, some spies came and reported dangers, difficulties and obstacles. Now here's the part where i choose to see the beauty of God in His planning or run away defeated.

Lord, smile on me and show me the way of life.

Domestic Violence

2011-07-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

Be assertive, break the cycle.

2011-07-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Hi. :)

Went back home for the weekend and came back with lotsa reluctance. Discovered no other love can compare to the love of parents to their children. Not the appearance, the disobedience, the gravely mistakes, and certainly not the change of time and season.

At the corner of my eyes i always see my mum peeping while i drive, and she just won't admit it if i asked her. She admires and enjoys watching every little thing that i do. Its like how a boy falls in love and can't stop looking.

It doesn't matter if its a father or a mother. You're a part of them and they enjoy you.
I call Him Father. I hope he enjoys me just as much.

2011-07-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

1. There is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.
We stand up for our rights, along the way we elbow someone in their faces, or the other way round.

2. This may come a bit late, but its already JULY. Oh my goodness.

3. The other day, the girls were talking about this video-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY

I see why arranged marriage is good sometimes. Save all the tears and broken hearts.
But you may end up in HSA female ward labelled 'spousal abuse'.

4. How do we perceive 'childlike' and 'childish'?
When a 3-year-old says 'do you not love me anymore?' you hug her tight and drown in her cuteness.
When a lady asks 'do you not love me anymore?', she's called childish and asked to get a life.

5. I have a bad habit. I always focus on what is wrong/bad with people. When I listen to my own thoughts properly, others' flaws are what i zoom in first. It translates to how i look at myself. I always think i'm not good enough. Some fixing is needed.

6. Lie me down on the green pasture and refresh my soul again. again, and again.

7. I just needed some reassurance and encouragement.

8. On the last appointment with my dentist, he tried very hard to expand my upper arch. I have ulcers all over my oral mucosa from the braces irritation.

He said 'this might be painful, but congratulations, i'm removing your braces the next time you see me. Bear with it for just a few more weeks girl'.

*Curtsey* see you with my new set of teeth soon.

2011-07-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when superman flies, he forgets where he's heading. And God tilts down his head from Heaven and says...

For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans that prosper you not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.

Proverbs 16:9

2011-07-03T03:28:00.000-07:00

Kids are like mirror.
Today lil Jewel and Javier made a mess with their playdough, 8-yr-old Javier said 'oh man! this is horrible'. 2 minutes later, Jewel broke her long and colorful snake and said 'oh man!' I wonder if i'd said something bad along the way that she'll go back and repeat to her mom.

Let that be enough-- Switchfoot
Many treasures left buried, many good songs left forgotten.
'Let me know that you love me, let that be enough.'-maybe we're searching and asking for too much.

How come time and brains are never enough when it comes to medicine.

2011-06-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

There's one thing that i was introduced to, and still learning,

That a man needs his own space and time to grow.

Even history tells you so.
It started from the cavemen, because they need retreat to their own caves after hunts.

i want to be a farmer

2011-06-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

The other day someone told me this --> always be generous enough to plant seeds in people.

Even if you're not there to nurture it, someone along the way will water it.
And when it does grow into a big tree, you put a smile onto God's face.

my happy lungs and eyes

2011-06-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

1. I enjoyed the OZ's cold and fresh air. Apart from the pain to get out of the bed to shower in the mornings, I like breathing in deep and long, feeling that all my alveoli are happily alive. I watched people running in their tracksuits, their gastrocs contracted in such sexy way it reminded me that i haven't ran for 2 full weeks.

2. Melbourne is a city so big that people enjoy lil unconspicuous cafes to escape the hustle and bustle. The other day we walked so hard just to find St.Ali cafe in a suspicious back alley, which it itself is a renovated garage. I loved it. and then No.5, Proud Mary, Amichi, 7 Seeds...The truth is, there are all about the same. The coffee and the food. Its the great company that matters.

3. Tassy is a city so pretty that people don't have the needs to do much but just to enjoy the God-created-so-pretty-living place. We stayed 3 days together with home-cooked meals (HOT SOUP!!)and catching up. The mountains and the seas, the icy snowy road and shivering dogs. They live such good lives that i feel bad for people in the 3rd world countries.

4. And the many many amazing people that i made friends with in this trip. And the discovery of self and the other one that could be painfully sweet.

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Yesterday i boarded an 8-hour-flight back to the BolehLand again. I had a good 8 hours to be very emo.

I always have this feeling after going places, that i had missed something. Something big. A test. A challenge. The experience. I don't know what you call it, but you know what I mean. The wanting to be part of something bigger than yourself. The need to do something bigger and better and more than just graduating from med school.

I read a book by Tony Parsons- Men from The Boys, and i cried 300 times and i had to hide behind my spectacles. Its not easy to be a boy, a teenager, and the hardest is to be a man.

Of the 300 times i cried, Tony Parsons might have written something thoughtful and touching, but what hurts the most is still leaving. Leaving someone who holds you like you're a treasure and loves so generously without condition. It punched a hole in my heart. A real big one.

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And so, this morning i woke up with sore eyes and limbs. Its time to get back to NOW again.

Looking forwards for the next trip. And please bring back the missing piece of my heart alright.

winter & sun

2011-06-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

Hi from the aussieland.

The best breakfast is still avocado, yogurt, toast and milk. and oh, not forgetting the bright morning sun. :)

The good friends make the best company.

The happy time is laughing with your loved one.

The good woman of my home brings me blessings and love.

God is good. I am blessed.

2011-06-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Not that i have exams prior to the coming winter break and deserve all these.
But before leaving, this will always be our ritual:

1. to walk the malls and punch holes in our wallets,
2. to eat a meal together and cause chaos at the restaurant,
3. to sing our lungs out and spill some drinks.

And then when the reality sets in, its already half year gone.
Yes, half year passed and then final exam's torture is calling out;

Half year's gone baby.and i get to see you.

06/06

2011-06-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

1. Tools
There is a reason why after humans invented tools, they went from caves to the fields and provide for themselves. I was skeptical about technology, but the other day when i saw 7-yr-old Esther playing with her dad's iPad, i realized how much creativity was birthed out from her lil head. We are creatures of senses. Constant stimulation is good.

2. Pride
The other day i refused to let down my pride. Losing face is a great deal, until you lose love from a loved one. I got lucky i found a man with grace.

3. Holidays
Another 4 days to winter break. I no longer call it a summer holiday.

Simplicity

2011-05-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

Today while playing game with the kids, a lil girl frowned and refused to talk. She did not participate in the game and sat aside. She is normally bubbly and happy. I thought something bad at home upset her this morning before church.

Later before she went home, i got to ask her why. She said the game was boring. Just simply not fun, that's it. And then i promised her we'll play more fun game next week, so she went back smiling.

According to neurosciences, we were born disinhibited and simple- with all the primitive reflexes for survival. As we grow we learn to control our thoughts and discipline our actions and along the way we lost simplicity.

Paeds

2011-05-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

1. I haven't found babies cuter than adults after i started my paeds posting. But it is amazing how mothers can remember every single detail of their lil ones and go extra miles to protect them.

2. Last week at the neonatal wards, I unwrapped 3 babies, one chinese, one indian and one malay. I wondered if they will grow up condemning and kicking each others' asses like the adults.

3. First time in my life i saw puddles of meconium in their pampers. Green and goo-ey. Patent gastrointestinal track checked.

4. Ephesians 4:29. I've let many unwholesome words come out from my mouth lately, not for edification but destruction. Not giving grace but harm. Com'on girl, start all over again.

5. Scars are good reminder that things have healed, but impressions were left. No way to forget, yes way to ignore.

6. I pray for progressive visions. To outdo myself, to outsmart my lil mind.

Terms and conditions not applied.

2011-05-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

Here in this society, you get what you pay for. You get what you work hard for. Even farmers in the ancient time knew the principle of sowing and reaping.

And when someone shows grace, hold on tight.
When someone loves you not because you pay for their meals, you bring them any benefit, you give them free rides, remember to show some grace in return.

It is only in love.

2011-05-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 12:9-
But He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, and my power is made perfect in weakness'

It takes humility to admit a weakness, courage to get over it, and a reminder to surrender all.

lost and learnt

2011-05-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

1. Last friday after lunch, i lost my purse. And of course, with all of its contents, and that purse that i've only used for 3 years-> heartbroken. My flight home was 5.40pm and i had no IC to board my flight. Thank God i still had my passport.

2. This morning i had to get my new IC done at the govt office. Departed at 8.15 and reached the place just to realize that it has been moved to some unfamiliar place called Setia Tropika. I didn't know the way even after the 3rd time the girl from the old office tried to explain to me. Thank God a Malay auntie needed a new IC, came to the old office as well, she led me there.

3. The day before i lost my purse, i had a mock osce exam. I removed my student ID from it. And so, all i had in my make-shift wallet at the moment were: a student ID, a police report, and rm100. Who knew if you lost your IC, you pay rm110 for a new one?! Thank God the girl was kind enough to ask if i'm a student. I proudly showed my student card and got a discount for the penalty. It cost me rm60.

4. One week before i lost my purse, i started shopping and spent like a manic patient. Thank God i lost my purse, with its ATM and credit cards, i'm forced to stop shopping.

Sometimes, learned optimism is to thank God even if life sucks a bit/ a lot.
'In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He'll make your path straight'

2011-05-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

but I'm a Catherine too. :'(

about David

2011-04-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wonder how did David in the Bible live such a fulfilled life and turning every hard time into glory.

Acts 2:
25 David said about him:

“‘I saw the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
26 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest in hope,
27 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
you will not let your holy one see decay.
28 You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.’

It takes a good relationship with Him.

28/04/2011

2011-04-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

Mock osce, checked.
Switchfoot, checked
Going home, in 8 hrs.

1 word= Awesome.

love from reggie

2011-04-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, i received a postcard from the Down Under from a close friend. Just thought it would help you too. It says:

Protect your heart online.
Stay in control

1. Protect your identity: don't give away personal details that banks or other institutions use to verify your identity, such as your pet's or mother's maiden name.

2. Protect your reputation: before you publish photos and information, consider that they may be made public by others.

3. Protect your physical safety: check out advice about dating safety, and avoid posting or sharing information about your hobbies, house or job. Report and keep any concerning messages.

4. Protect your computer: install anti-virus software and be suspicious of unfamiliar links or attachments in messages and emails.

5. Protect your money: monitor your accounts and financial transaction, don't disclose financial details, and be wary of potential dates who mention needing financial assistance.

5. Protect yourself against legal action: don't publish or send photos or messages that could be considered offensive.

6. Protect your family: don't post photos or reveal information about family members, especially children.

More information
www.scamwatch.gov.au/DatingRomanceScams

di bawah tapak

2011-04-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

Just like how we need air,

every girl needs a pair of good pumps.

Every Easter

2011-04-24T00:33:00.000-07:00

Since 5 years ago, every easter that i spent in church, i'm reminded of the same thing: that Jesus died and rose again. His pain for our victory, His death for our Salvation.

Our brains don't forget easily (even demented patients remember the past), but each year when the drama shows Jesus carrying the cross and crucified, we shed tears and be reminded how painful it was. So keep reminding yourselves.

Every year has its own difficulty and changes to go through, but His love is still the same, His words are still the truth.

i need to talk

2011-04-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

Since started writing my very-simple-posts by numbering them, i haven't expressed myself well. I've been trying make meanings out of this psychiatry rotation.

This is my point of view:
I just don't like how psychiatry explains everything that's going on in the mind based on sciences (after you rule out GMC and substance-use). It's too artificial. Alright, tell me about psychotherapy, which none of the clinicians are doing. If we believe that we're all special, then we are who we are because of our minds.

I had a psychiatry consultant defending that point by saying that human minds are nothing but blocks of chemicals. Why do we desperately search for a higher being and a purpose to live then.

I don't love psychiatry itself, but i do like knowing about human minds.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Palliative care. The other day a lecture was given on this topic. This is what we do for people who are dying.

1. Allow grievance.
2. Settle affairs like will, insurance,
3. Fulfill unfinished business
4. Review life
5. Address spiritual, culture-related issues on dying.

Do we really have to wait till life ends only doing the above?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

The other day i was talking to my mum about how life is meaningless when you can't find what you like to do. Maybe i'm not meant to be a doctor. And then she said 'if we're all just doing what we like to do, there's no need for discipline'

The other day i saw one of my colleague's mother. She is every inch as pretty and hot as her daughter. So proved the saying of 'like mother like daughter'.
If that means i'll have the wisdom, long-suffering and love like my mother. Just how come I'm still so far from that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>

Heard the long forgotten 'desert song' and realised that life gets dry sometimes.
And the answer is that there is a land flowing of milk and honey.

Week 10

2011-04-15T20:05:00.000-07:00

1. Another week flew by meeting deadlines and submitting assignments. It seems never ending. But still, everything has to come to an end. Another 2 weeks and we're off to paeds. I never thought i would say this, psychiatry IS interesting.

2. So now, Utusan's advice to BN is: Ignore the Chinese votes.The Bumiputera community still remains strong with BN.

There, the reason why the Bumi's are still impoverished.

3. When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
So ignorant housewives, please hold your tongues.

4. Am going for mock OSCE, watching Switchfoot, am going home, and counting down the days.

5. Habit is learnt. Unlearning and replacing with a new one takes time. Just like how i need 3 full-force bands to correct my 20-yr-old crossbites.

tie a knot

2011-04-10T17:00:00.000-07:00

I've always been apathetic about Malaysian politics. But just to show that i'm still very much concerned about my homeland Sarawak, i've been following the news on the state election that is coming up on 16 April.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/najib-moves-to-quell-anti-taib-sentiment-in-sarawak/

Nothing much needed to be said right? Another step, fellow Sarawakians, we're about make a change. Hang in there, vote for a change.

盧廣仲

2011-04-10T02:36:00.000-07:00

無邊的宇宙哪裡有我要的生活
原來一百種
要在很久很久以後才會懂

an early week 9

2011-04-07T05:48:00.000-07:00

If you stayed in the Psych clinic for one morning, i guarantee you a lot of depression cases. And I wonder how am i so ungrateful with what i've been blessed with.

A 57-yr-old lady came in for follow-up. During the interview, she tried to hold her tears, but they flowed like strings of pearls, uncontrollably.

At the age of 30, her husband left her for another woman, she was left to bring up her 4 children. Her children finally grew up, all successful in their lives and career, and she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She had her thyroid glands taken out in a surgery, but not the fear of its recurrence.

She lives battling with fear and tears everyday. She hugs her daughter and cry herself to sleep every night thinking why God has put her in such sufferings.

In the book of Revelation 21:4, it says
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

I'm no God, and i don't know why He put different people in different situations, but every new day is a blessing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>

This is what they do in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy)

Situation: A
Response: B
Outcome :C

You can't change A, you educate them about B, so C will be a desirable one.

The thing is, what if you are bad in B yourself?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>

Dr.Siva said if you put a human mind in autopilot mode, it automatically shifts to negative thoughts. People who are always motivated make a point to think positive.

bye Week 8

2011-04-04T06:13:00.001-07:00

1. Saw a baby girl at the GP clinic today and the maternal instincts in us girls just oozeeed out like caramel from the chocolate; Heard a story where a baby was flushed into the toilet bowl because her mama decided that she doesn't want it; Heard another story of a baby born with ectopic cordis in HSA:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/4/4/nation/20110404211050&sec=nation

Some dying to get babies. Some didn't get to draw their first breathes. Some fighting to live.

Whatever it is, something good must be behind all the pain going through medschool and seeing all these.

2. Today's Dr.Rajamalar's last GP session: Life is like a pizza, work is just one lil piece. Appreciate relationship.

3. So much of talks about wedding lately. 2 cousins are on the way to tie the knots, and some friends ACTUALLY played masak-masak to get married. I am getting a free flight to perth. Hehe.

4. Romans 8:28-And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Hold on tight, love.

Week 7

2011-03-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

1. One meal at the hospital balai ruined my stomach. If eating releases endorphin in our heads, i haven't been getting the portion that i should. Give me back the joy of eating.

2. Melb's rotation. elective. holiday. arrangement. grant. changes. Paul. accommodation. Olympic. $$.

3. A real man plans for himself, and you.

hey love

2011-03-20T04:18:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 13

7: It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Do you know it takes only 28 days to form a habit? Good or bad ones, that's your choice though.

Week 6

2011-03-18T07:35:00.001-07:00

1. Bye-bye Permai, and never to go back again.

2. A good way to end another hectic week. With free food, laughters and awesome catch-ups with friends.

3. Wish there's no ocean between us.

curiosity

2011-03-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

The other day i was to present on erectile dysfunction in men's health topic, i found this when i googled 'masturbation'. I had a good laugh.

Dementia

2011-03-10T01:19:00.000-08:00

A 66-year-old elderly man was brought to the psych hospital by his family. He was aggressive towards family members at home.

He had a stroke 10 years ago, diagnosed with dementia 5 years ago. Dementia of Alzheimer's or vascular disease? Neurological examination was inconclusive. Couldn't trace his old notes.

When interviewed, he seemed sad. Asked if he had been bad at home, he denied all.

Lesson of the day: Memories may be gone, but feelings are intact. Be good, people.

2011-03-08T07:22:00.000-08:00

Today's Truth

"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10, NKJV).

And the truth sets you free.

五月天

2011-03-06T04:59:00.000-08:00

When i was young, i spent a lot of time listening to the songs by Mayday.
My dream was to watch their concert with someone special.

And it still is.

the V-day

2011-03-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

no, it is not for Valentine's, but vagina.

And so i persuaded two ladies to get into lithotomy position, spread their thighs wide enough for me to scrape some tissues from their cervix.

Its a passage of wonders.

today's sunday school

2011-02-27T06:42:00.000-08:00

Today, a 7-yr-old boy called Ben was telling me how many times he prayed and how it always worked.

when he was sick, when his mom was sick, when he couldn't do his spelling test, even when his friend was being naughty in class.

It reminded me of a verse:
Luke 18: 17 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

but to those with faith no evidence is necessary
to whose without faith no evidence is sufficient. '

His little heart pumps faith.

2011-02-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

A lil surprise in the mailbox.
A photo of the sunrise.
A whisper of good night.

All these lil things are one reason beyond measure.

today's psych

2011-02-21T05:37:00.000-08:00

I saw patients with

1. Major depressive disorder with suicidal thoughts
2. MDD with obsessive-compulsive disorder
3. Temporal lobe epilepsy with psychotic features
4. Fear of being alone.

It's amazing how human minds work. Its either you have control over it, or it drives you totally cuckoo.

Week 2

2011-02-18T02:33:00.000-08:00

So i'm lucky to have started my 1st sem of year4 with psychiatry, which is in comparison to Women's and Children's health more chilling.

No more group H, boohoo. :( All forced to learn flexibility in coordinating with different people, but i miss the previous year's fun and laughters.

Psychiatry requires reasoning skills. Every behavior can be a disorder if it got out of control.

Received many belated birthday wishes and presents, feeling <3-ed.

Watched a motorbike banged into a lorry last week. Sat in a car that banged another. Thank God we're all kicking and alive.

Forgot to bring my stethoscope from home. Forgot where did i keep that very important CD.

Finally came back to church and heard the rumors of us to have been sponsored by New Creation Life church.

In psychiatry, the above sequence of events is called 'looseness of association', of which most schizophrenic patients have.

susah nak buat orang

2011-02-12T01:04:00.000-08:00

I was made to read articles that keep my head and eyes spinning. Even the summary points are hard to digest and understand. For instance:

'Clinical practice, organisation, information management, research, education, and professional development are interdependent and built around multiple self adjusting and interacting systems. New conceptual frameworks that incorporate a dynamic, emergent, creative, and intuitive view of the world must replace traditional “reduce and resolve” approaches to clinical care and service organisation.'

--Complexity science
The challenge of complexity in health care

And then i remembered reading from Blink by Malcolm Gladwell about the power of Impulse and Intuition.

Here's the link: http://www.gladwell.com/blink/index.html

Why make our lives hard?

summer 2010-11

2011-02-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

I'm 3 days late for school. I'm loving home. I hate that i have to leave tomorrow.

literally counting my blessings over this good summer that i had:

1. Sibu for its awesome friendly culture. We know everyone, even the darkest secrets of some ahpeks in our neighborhood. *evil laugh*. I had a friend who described the foochows as 'tribal'people. We are, and i'm proud.

2. Grandma who makes me all fuzzy inside seeing her everytime. At the age of 86, she reminds me of a verse from Psalm "and You renew my youth like the Eagle's". Since grandpa passed away, she has been living alone with a maid, yet nothing has ever made her less of herself. She takes good care of herself and when i asked her if its scary to stay alone, she said 'God's with me'. She ages gracefully, in the presence of God.

3. A place i call home. My humble little abode that shelters 4 of us. My dad who constantly reminds me to be patient, mum who loves and gives unconditionally, a brother who still loves and cares. I hope i gave and had been the biggest blessing to them too.

4. These lil muffins who cracked me up even with their slightest gestures. To see them growing up is a bliss.

5. When you're given a good extended family, you have awesome cousins who love you like their lil sister.

P.s- YongEetien, you better miss me.

6. Not to forget friends who i get to meet up throughout the holiday.

7. And i found love this summer.

Sibu owns me

2011-02-02T08:32:00.000-08:00

Nothing beats a well fed stomach and a blessed heart.

Here in this lil town where people still uphold chinese culture strongly, the new year eve is the climax of all.
Here in my family, 4 of us sat down with a good reunion dinner before us, prayed a thanksgiving prayer and we dug in.

3 things:

1. Mommy cooked up a storm and stocked up our fridge since 530am.
2. Midnight fireworks paint every inch of Sibu's sky, just breathtaking.
3. The round table at grandma's place never lacks people and laughters.

So stop complaining about the polluted air and the loud noises from the fireworks. Its once in a year, and we ought to preserve this beautiful tradition to the end of the lifetime. This is how Sibu's CNY should be. and i'm loving it <3

I made the right choice staying in Sibu for 2011. Come to our humble lil town, and be blown away by its richness.

With love, Happy Chinese New Year people!

2011-01-28T01:26:00.000-08:00

1. When i was running yesterday, i suddenly thought of aloha's gym. Yr4 starts in 10 days' time but my nails are still painted red. I'm scared.

2. Heard sanctus real's 'lead me'.

3. Happy Chinese New Year people. (:

4. And i finally found a cheongsam for CNY. (: x2

from the sky

2011-01-26T16:33:00.001-08:00

Previously mentioned that i met 2 pastors in one week, one of which is a Korean who does longhouse missions in Sarawak. Sibu is so small and i met him at the bank for the 2nd time. So i followed him on a random trip to the longhouse located in between Selangau and Tatau.

The ibans live so deep into the inland that even Digi gives up providing its coverage.
They live simple lives, so simple that they only live for today. No worries, no plans, no savings for the future.
Their main income lies on the agriculture. Ladies don't work, they give birth and stay at home.
Many longhouses have handicapped children, because they inbreed, so genetic diseases stay within.

Ps.Shin is 50 yrs old. He is a korean who lived in malaysia for 20 yrs. He learnt Chinese in Beijing; BM from UM, iban by heart. He has been ministering the longhouses for the past 5 yrs. His wife is in Korea, his daughter does MBBS in Cambridge, son in NUS.

How amazing it is for a foreigner to love our people that he gives up living in his own good country.
How embarrassing it is for us who owns this land to have never stepped in.

We met in a flight back to Sibu. He said we are friends in the sky. I hope he meant the heaven.

2011-01-23T21:29:00.001-08:00

While Superman was out saving the world, i had been a potato couch trying to catch up with all the movies that i've missed out in 2010. Being cheapskate is not that bad after all, movie marathon is a bliss. My couch+ fleece + tv= heavenly.

Just so that someday i get forgetful:

1. Robinhood
2. Invictus
3. The Expandables
4. The American
5. Inception
6. Repo Man
7. The A Team
8. The tourist
9. The Town
10. The Last Airbenders
11. Despicable Me
12. Knight and Day
13. Karate Kid
14. Clash of the Titans

And the list will go on till the end of this week.

These are 2 lines from Invictus. Watch and be touched and inspired.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Psalm 103

2011-01-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

This is a praise report.

I am turning 22 tomorrow, and my 21 years is a blessing from my Father.

He has given me a family on earth who stays through all good and bad with me.
He has given me an inspiration and a role model being a lady of Christ- my mom.
He has given me an opportunity in medicine, a way to learn of His wonder of creation, a way to thank for the knowledge of Him, a way to serve His people in return.
He has given me friends along this journey, who love and help, who build and mold.
He has given me churches to go to, to be close to Him, to fellowship with the other parts of His body.
He has given me relationships that remind me about His mercy on me, so that i can be a channel of His love in return.
Most of all, He has given his own and only son, so that i live this abundance.

back home

2011-01-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

Hi readers. Sorry for the absence. Been out of sibu for the past 7 days. Home sweet home. =)

1. The fun of travelling is about the company. Who knew Sarawak could be of that much fun? Thank God for good friends.

2. 1st dental appointment in 2011 and my dentist told me i'm not far away from removing it. Time passed so quickly and i will miss having my train tracks.

3. Cut my hair shorter. again.

4. Met 2 pastors in 1 week, Ps.RonChoong and Ps.Sheng. Realized that i've been scraping the surface all these while. Time to dig deeper baby.

5. Been buying too many dresses. Been spending a lot of money.

6. I'm a lucky girl.

2011-01-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

1. 4th day into 2011, happy belated New Year people! God has been good for the past one year. Am blessed, and believing that the best is yet to come.

2. Have been hearing a lot about engagement, weddings, pregnancies, and babies. Realised that this is the period in life where you make many important decisions. Or maybe it is not up to you to decide. Oh well, I'm expecting a lot of romance fruiting in the next 2 years to come in med school. :)

3.I still remembered when she was born, so small and fragile nested in her mother's embrace. Now she holds my hand and asks me for McFlurry. We sat on the bench, she won't stop talking and i can't stop smiling.

4. Isaiah 41: 13- For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
The last time i tried asking myself if I was doing the right thing, God reminded me that it was by grace i got to know Him. And I am to share this love He has given so abundantly, because greater is Him who is in me. So i pray that you will discover and grow with me.

So i woke up today casting away the safety net. I will trust and obey and love.

2010-12-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

hi world.

1. I caught tight to 2010's tail by trying to make up all the time i've missed out at home. Realised that i do love kids, but not all kids. Oh well, you can't choose your family, but you can make a difference, a good one.

2. Saw and touched a Cayenne in Sibu and was reminded how rich this little piece of land and people are. But 75% of the younger generation left, and are still leaving. Brain and wealth drain sekaligus. When you can't fix the government, you leave for a greener pasture. Valid reason?

3. Learned yoga and found out there's always still another piece of muscle in your body that you've never moved. We learnt somatic vs. visceral muscles in physiology. How come i've never explored enough all my voluntary muscles? John Mayer sings it right, 'your body is a wonderland'.

4. Watched Australian Dollars rise, gold price skyrocketed in 1 yr's time, and British pound still plunging. Ever so disappointing. When you don't have any income, saving is earning. You can keep building your momentum till you catch the ball by reading up business news, or you can just be an airstewardess and marry Taib.

5. When i grow up, i want to go to a lot of places. To take a lot of pictures. To have good friends sharing the moments.

6. This is my new year's resolution: To be the best i can be.

7. Stolen.

hey muffin

2010-12-23T00:44:00.001-08:00

these are the babies:

When they haven't started killing each other for lollipops

It kinda shows from her weight. Nyehehe.

They're our 'jantung hati'

Don't know what she's up to

The cheeky ultraman

Credits to Bgor.

making home

2010-12-18T23:09:00.000-08:00

they said men make houses women make home, so i'm learning how to make mine.

For the past few days, I've been throwing out the old and bringing in the new, yet trying to keep the good old memories fresh and alive here at my home.

Today i pulled out a pile of photobooks with photos from dad and mum's engagement to wedding, to Collin's birth, and then to mine, i sat on the floor for 2 hours looking through the photos feeling all fuzzy.

I was once asked if i kept photos and i said no. Its messy and space-occupying. From this onwards, i'll change this lousy view of mine. I will start keeping, with orders somemore!

But first, i want a camera. :)

somewhere out there

2010-12-17T00:33:00.000-08:00

Was watching this film of 2009 adapted from the novel of the same name, 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo'.

And i discovered this. The main actress, Noomi Rapace, has a famous look-alike.

who do you think it is?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What say you?

the Pimple theory

2010-12-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

Emotions and pimples are alike. They are temporary. The more you irritate it, the more bleeding and inflammation occur. You acknowledge their presence and leave it.

Unless your body is so bad that healing doesn't take place. Or someone else decides that you deserve a punch right in your face.

Or else you wait. The time will come when its over.

I am not emotional now, but yes, one huge pimple on my right cheek.

5S4

2010-12-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

4 years ago, when i was in secondary school, i wasn't that sporting a person. I was comfortable with my own few close girlfriends and life was nothing other than studying and leave school asap to adelaide.

Long story short, i didn't get to settle there. And looking back, i've missed out a lot of fun that i should have with them that time. Catching up definitely had been awesome and i enjoyed their presence more than anything now.

Friends make you. So have good friends. =)

here in this little town

2010-12-06T18:51:00.000-08:00

it feels like home when:

1. Mum nags about not helping with the chores.
2. Dad scolds for not eating dinner at home with him.
3. The public pool is so dirty and crowded and not swimming into people in 1 lap is a total bliss.
4. all you want to do is get out of here because of boredom; and then desperately want to come back again. Its a love-hate relationship.
5. you can sleep a full 8 hrs without feeling guilty.
6. you wanna do so much to make a change but succumb to its resistance.
7. all my short-lived dreams bubble.

2010-12-04T09:43:00.000-08:00

I. today at 6am when i was still half asleep, i heard my mom's prayers. Through my blurred vision i saw her knelt with her eyes closed. she reminds me that things are way simpler when God is ahead in all. and yes, i sleep with my parents when i'm back here.

II. so i've passed my year 3 by not receiving an email and a call asking me to sit for supps on the 9th dec.

III. on the same day i asked my mum if i deserved a new and better handphone for passing. i got a straight-NO right in my face. 'You don't need that' was what she said.

IV. Spent a night with my lil cousins and wish i had sisters to grow up with. They were telling me about their lil boyfriends before lights were out.

V. Ate lunch and dinner with grandma and realized that all i need to do is just being there.

VI. oh simple things, where have you gone;

VII. Above all, guard your hearts. When it gets muddy, be deliberate in choosing to cling on.

oh well

2010-12-03T18:36:00.001-08:00

was playing with online quizzes and did this one:

what kind of forest animal are you

bear

most ppl are scared of you. you take care of yourself and tend to be mean at sometimes!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't know how they drew this conclusion by me choosing favourite colour (green), preferring country over city and loving sunlight.

I bet there's only rabbit and bear on the list.

2010-11-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

"A girl's heart should be so close to God that a boy has to chase Him to find her"

CS Lewis

Have i let my Father down?

3.41am

2010-11-25T11:40:00.000-08:00

Hi readers, current location: KLIA;
Current status: Extreme lethargy
Current air condition: -41'c (exaggerated)

Why did i not listen to my mum to bring along a scarf or a jacket. The uncle lying next to my bench wrapped himself up like a mummy and slept like a log. Am agitated due to hunger and cold.

And so the year ends. That's it, Year 3 with a blink. Its still just the same as any other year, happysad. Done something yet wanting to do more. Someone told me Year 4 is going to fly by even quicker than this. No more medical and surgical postings till housemanship. Yet I'm still feeling so inadequate, and i still don't know the specific microorganisms that cause different types of diarrhea.

Friends. Thank God for a good PBL group with becks, chris, nailah, sup, jh, nic, th, azri, tim around. Never knew it was so much fun to laugh and keep laughing together. For all the internal jokes, cheers*

House. I still call it a house, but if it has a spectrum where house and home are at the extreme, its somewhere in between. Aloha 704's dwellers: WongJingPing and Alina Abdul Halim, i feel very comfortable hanging around at our oval-wooden-dining table. The hair we shed on the floor is just pure disgust, haha. But it was so much fun singing random songs.

Aloha. Thank you for your gym and swimming pool. I would love to crash your annual general meeting to tell you that the pool sometimes looked like its incubating alga but i'm glad that i did not have otitis externa, yet. Your treadmill is so old that everytime when i run, i feel like a 200-pound-fatty stomping and making noise. But its okay, as long as you keep my agitation and temper away.

Singapore. Its so happening and so awesome that i always felt like a jakun crossing that border. Both XX and XY are toned and fit and athletic and cool and fashionable and this and that, that i so hope i grew up there. Too late a statement for 21-yr-old.

School. We're so deprived of proper facilities (Monash House 1,2, and 3 are like some PakCik or MakCik's houses where the shelves and tables are drenched in hapuk-ness), and we don't even have a gym or a court or a pool like those in melbourne, and we're couped in cabins to do our PBL sessions (even chicken farm has bigger coups for their chicks to grow). Ohwell, that's the physical structure that i complained about. The others, no comments. There is always room for improvement. I'll try to come to school and study more if its a better place to be.

Hospital. HSA is a good place to see things. A lot of things i mean. I never really did keep a record of all who i talked to and met in the hospital. Patients die, relatives making chaos, doctors hitting on doctors, students tailing like puppies, nurses kena screwed, sputum mug tumpah, penile catheter baloon-ing, azithromycin mistaken as acyclovir (tengah infusion), diabetic foot fungating in the plastic bag. I'm glad i chose medicine. Not being sarcastic at all, you think those hot chicks in business school get to see all these? (no offense)

Tutors. The big shots like Prof Khalid, Prof Toh, Dato Veloo, Dr.Paul...Sorry i'm just a girl from sibu, from my lil world and narrow view, they are so BIG for me. Their knowledge and professionalism amaze me. These are years spent with them that i wanna say 'when i grow up, i want to be them'.

Home, dad and mum. I'm on my way home. I am 21 and turning 22. Can you please don't stop molding me to be a better person for the new year to come. Give me a good summer. I'll be a good girl.

baby taylor

2010-11-15T02:08:00.001-08:00

Do you learn better if you had a better guitar or only buy a good one after you become better?

I'm neither here nor there. So i want one. Please and thank you.

chasing after winds

2010-11-12T17:44:00.000-08:00

some people are so cool they are like winds and all you wanna do is chasing after them. whatever they do, you learn, whatever they say, you read about, whatever they like, you research on it. you fly your kites according to the way they come and go. swoosh swoosh.

bad is that they never stay long enough to watch you sweat over flying. even the weather forecast could be wrong about them sometimes. and then you're left alone watching the sky wondering when will the next breeze arrive.

worse is that it never comes back again. and you wonder if you wait or you move on, or you keep your kite, go back home to continue living life.

i wish we can switch roles. how bout i be the wind this time?

11/11

2010-11-11T00:19:00.000-08:00

This is why, going to wards and doing procedures are important. My mock for clinical skill was a disaster. Other than forgetting to wash my hand before donning my gloves, i did not know how to get the drip running.

The examiner asked 'are you trying to infuse air into the patient?'.

I never really liked linkin park until 'waiting for the end'. Because they actually sang about my OSCE today.

-My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead (did not know what i was yapping about)

-So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin? (all that i needed was in the kidney dish but i have no idea what to do)

-The hardest part of ending Is starting again! (i finished my mock but i've still got the real one coming up)

Am i not creative. =)

2010-11-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

Hi, exam prep. Mock OSCE tomorrow. Constant reminder: Fret not, worry not, cry not and die not.

After all the endeavors in searching for good songs, i still come back to mayday. How to not be impressed by this modern poetry.

Can't wait to go back home. Airasia's 1 million free seats is a lie, they don't fly further than Asia. I want to go to go back to Adelaide and GoldCoast.

Make no move, don't turn back. only move on.

2010-11-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

Since when i'm lazy to think of titles. =)

Happy Diwali to all the indians out there. I so want to wish dr.Dimitraj from D3. Too bad i never got to get his number. and dr.Robert. and PaulJambu. oh indians, *scratch heart*

Can't stop facebooking. Someone please change my password for me.

Yesterday's derm:

1. My patient is a 34-yr-old RVD+ man who wears lipstick and goes for regular facial. He said the world is not fair because he hasn't had any sexual intercourse for 7 yrs and didn't know where he got it from. Later on i found out he's gay and has been having oral and anal sex. Skin?--> mucocutaneous candidiasis.

2. Told you i'm a lucky girl. I saw a patient with epidermolysis bullosa dystrophica (EB). Wiki it and you'll know its a rare & terrible skin condition where they get blisters all over. His growth is very stunted for a 20-yr-old. He refused to be examined.

3. Free benzyl peroxide and retin-A cream.
Dr.Choon said the best moisturizer is from Clinique. Don't know which though.

4. Too short my time in derm. Was not conditioned to absorb that much of new knowledge. But in all, it was fun and inspiring to see a great lady dermatologist strolling gracefully in the wards. She has nice toned calves.

Alright. Last time i'm gonna facebook, i promise. Just a picture for you.

2010-11-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today's derm.

SLE. Just realized that i've not been to female ward all the while doing my medical posting. Learnt and read about SLE but never seen one.

20 yr old girl came in for SLE follow-up, since 8 yr-old. Butterfly pattern malar rash. Stunted growth from steroids, 133cm, 39kg. Moon facies, supraclavicular fat pads, truncal obesity. Full blown SLE symptoms, livedo reticularis from antiphospholipid syndrome. Till she pulled up her pants, only then all the vasculitic ulcers scars were seen. Terribly dystrohic.

You look but you do not see. You see but you do not know.

2010-11-01T06:29:00.000-07:00

Today's derm.

If you stay long enough in derm clinic, you think the whole world has psoriasis. Any form of it. Pustular, guttate, plague, erythrodermic. Occasionally interesting cases like xeroderma pigmentosa. Its not bad at all a field to consider exploring in the near future.

You need to search skin deep for the underlying problem.